Scarlet Ribbons
by Ender
Summary: Michael/Isabel future fic where Michael has to deal with Isabel's death


Title: Scarlet Ribbons  
Author: Ender  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.  
Category: Unconventional, Michael/Isabel, Future Fic  
Author's Notes: The title is from a Christmas song called "Scarlet Ribbons". It doesn't really have anything to do with the story except that it gave me the idea. Takes place in the future. Isabel is dead. Max and Tess are together. Michael has gone back to the home planet with their daughter Caitlyn, Max, and Tess. And yes, I'm sticking all the exposition here so I don't have to deal with it in the story. 'Cause I'm lazy and exposition bores me.  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: I crave it almost as much as chocolate and new Roswell episodes. Just email it to jjazman@email.msn.com  
  
  
  
Michael Guerin quietly crept into his daughter's room and settled into the chair by her bed to watch her sleep. He did this sometimes when the stress of helping rule the world became too much, when he felt that nothing he did could ever turn out right. Rule the world. Who in their right minds would give Michael Guerin, trailer trash kid extraordinaire, that kind of power? But looking at his daughter gave him hope. Caitlyn Diane Guerin was proof that he could help make something close to perfect. Although Isabel deserved most of the credit. Caitlyn was almost a perfect replica of her mother.  
  
Her mother who had died a few weeks after Caitlyn was born, killed by a drunk driver on Christmas Eve.   
  
It hadn't been a hard decision to make when Max came to him and told him they had a chance to go home a few months later. He'd jumped at the chance to get away from a world that held too many painful memories.   
  
Well, memories had a bad habit of following you, and they were plaguing Michael tonight.   
  
It was Max's fault. He just had to point out that Christmas was only two days away in Earth time. Max and Tess had decided that they wanted to start sharing some of their human traditions with their children. Max wanted Michael and Caitlyn to join them. Didn't Max know that getting away from Christmas was one of the reasons Michael had left Earth? Of course Max knew that, but Max was a meddling pain in the ass. Max thought that Michael was hiding from his pain over losing Isabel. Well, so what if he was? Max didn't know how it felt to have the one person in the world who'd ever understood him die in his arms. There was no way in hell Michael was going to get dragged into this Christmas crap. As far as he was concerned, Christmas had died with Isabel.  
  
Michael leaned down to kiss Caitlyn's cheek and then made his way to his own bed. His dreams were haunted by the sounds of squealing tires and crunching metal.  
*****  
  
"Daddy, what's Christmas?"  
  
Michael started at Caitlyn's question and nearly knocked over his breakfast. "Who told you about Christmas?" he asked, already guessing the answer.  
  
"Uncle Max told me. He said he and Aunt Tess are having a Christmas party. So what is it? Uncle Max said there would be lots of presents." Michael inwardly groaned at the mention of presents. Caitlyn loved presents, no matter how big or small. Max had hit on the one thing that would pique Caitlyn's interest.  
  
"Uh, Christmas is an Earth custom which we don't celebrate. I'll be happy to get you as many presents as you want, though." Maybe that would appease her.  
  
No such luck. "But what about the party? Aren't we going to go to the party? Uncle Max said they're going to decorate a Christmas tree. What's a Christmas tree?"   
  
Michael could feel his anger rising up to choke him. He should have known Max wouldn't just take no for an answer. Max had no right to do this to him. He had no right to use Caitlyn to try to manipulate him like this.  
  
"Look, Christmas trees are just another stupid thing that humans do. We are not human, so we are not doing it. End of discussion. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Is that understood?" Michael's voice was almost a scream by the time he finished. He watched helplessly as Caitlyn's eyes filled with tears and her lower lip quivered. He couldn't do this. He couldn't deal with this.   
  
But he couldn't take it out on her, either. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I got so upset. If you really want to go to the party, we will. You can even put the angel on top of the tree if you want. I'll tell Uncle Max."   
  
Caitlyn's mouth broke into a big smile. " What's an angel?"  
*****  
  
Michael stalked into Max's office and slammed the door.   
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing? You had no right to tell Caitlyn about your damn Christmas party after I told you we weren't coming! My daughter is not a toy you can play around with. And you can't use her to control me!"   
  
"I'm not trying to control you, Michael. I just wanted you to come to a Christmas party. Is that so much to ask? That you come to a family gathering and have some fun? Or are you so busy hiding from Isabel's ghost that you would deprive Caitlyn of the experience? God, Michael, Isabel would want Caitlyn to have Christmas. She would have conjured up a tree out of dust if she had to. She would have wanted Caitlyn to listen to Christmas carols and wait up for Santa Claus-"  
  
"Don't tell me what Isabel would want, Maxwell. It doesn't matter what she would have wanted. She's not here." Michael felt his breath coming in ragged gasps. God, it shouldn't hurt like this after all this time. Wasn't time supposed to heal all wounds?  
  
"I'm sorry, Michael. I know it hurts you to think about her. It hurts me, too. But you have to let it go. She didn't leave you on purpose. When are you finally going to forgive her for dying?"   
  
Pain ripped through Michael like a knife. He couldn't listen anymore. He turned and ran out the door, trying to blank out Max's words. He would not cry. He would not cry. Not anymore. Not ever again.  
*****  
  
  
Michael looked at his watch and tried to gauge how much longer they'd have to stay at the party. The Christmas tree was decorated. Caitlyn had gotten to put the angel on top, just like Michael had promised, despite her cousins' protests. Max had at least felt guilty enough to give in to Michael on that.   
  
Tess and Max walked into the center of the room, holding hands. "We're going to pass out the presents now, Michael. Do you want to help?" Tess asked, her eyes scanning his face, searching for signs of strain.  
  
"No thanks. I'll just sit over here and watch."   
  
Tess nodded and walked over to the tree. "Okay, everybody! It's time to open presents!"  
  
The air was suddenly filled with the gleeful giggling and squealing of children as Caitlyn and her cousins Phillip and DeeDee ran toward the tree. In no time, the floor was a sea of torn pieces of wrapping paper.  
  
"Daddy! Look what Uncle Max and Aunt Tess got me!" Caitlyn ran over. Clutched in her hand were two red velvet ribbons. "Help me put them on! Uncle Max says they're for my hair."  
  
Michael hesitated for a moment and swallowed hard. When they were children, Isabel had worn red ribbons in her hair every Christmas. Mrs. Evans would pull her hair back and tie them into little bows. He could kill Max for doing this to him. He looked at Caitlyn, saw her happiness at the present. She loved to have her hair fixed. He couldn't disappoint her. It wasn't her fault, and there was no way for her to understand. So he sat down on the nearest chair and pulled her onto his lap. He reached into his pocket for the hair bands that he always kept there for when Caitlyn got tired of having her long blonde hair falling into her face while she played. And as he pulled back a section of hair from each side of her head and pulled them through the band and then tied the red ribbons around them, he thought about how much Isabel would have loved this. God, he hated it that she'd never gotten a chance to do this with Caitlyn. These were the things a mother was supposed to do with her child. Not him. She should have been here. She should have gotten a chance to fix their daughter's hair.   
  
And as he felt the tears rise in his eyes and the familiar tightening of his chest, he gently pushed Caitlyn off his lap and stood up to leave. He didn't think he could stop the tears this time and he didn't want her to see him break down.  
  
Caitlyn turned to look at him, her eyes shining with happiness. "How do I look, Daddy?"  
  
And Michael felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Because it was her. It was Isabel the way he'd always dreamed about her when he was a boy, before they'd been reunited with each other. A blonde angel with velvet ribbons in her hair, always smiling at him, always waiting for him. Always letting him know that there was a place for him where he would belong.   
  
Michael slumped back into the chair and covered his face with his hands. It hurt. It hurt so bad. It was this hollow aching most of the time, and he could deal with that. But not this. Not this pain that felt like his guts were being ripped out. Not this blackness and despair. Tears slid down his cheeks, burning hot. He couldn't breathe. As soon as he sucked in some air, he choked it back out. He could hear himself moaning and there was nothing he could do to make it stop.  
  
And then he felt Caitlyn's tiny hands touch his hair, heard her trembling voice ask, "Daddy, what's wrong?"  
  
He forced himself to meet her eyes. What he saw there froze him. It was fear. His daughter was afraid and it was because of him.   
  
He tried to steady himself and took a deep breath. "I'm okay, honey. It's just that for a minute you looked just like your mommy. And it reminded me of how much I miss her. God, I miss her so much." He started to cry again.  
  
Caitlyn kissed his cheek and wrapped her arms as far around him as she could. "It's okay, Daddy. It's okay to be sad. I miss her, too."   
  
Michael pulled Caitlyn onto his lap and hugged her tight. And he cried until there were no more tears left to cry.  
*****  
  
When they got home that night, Michael tucked Caitlyn into bed and told her stories about the Christmas Nazi. Caitlyn giggled at the thought of her dad and Uncle Max being ordered around by her mother.   
  
"You were really afraid of her, Daddy?"  
  
"Are you kidding me? No one crossed the Christmas Nazi. No one. If you did, she'd make you watch 'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas' a thousand times until you said you were sorry."  
  
Caitlyn wrinkled up her nose. "What's a grinch?"  
  
Michael tapped her on the nose and winked at her. "That's something you're just gonna have to wait and find out in the morning. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."  
  
"All right," Caitlyn groaned. "But you have to tell me in the morning."  
  
"I will, I promise." Michael turned off the light and closed the door softly behind him.  
  
He leaned against the wall and sighed, thinking about everything that had happened that day. Somehow he felt better for letting it all out. He was never going to admit that to Maxwell, though. No way, no how.  
  
As he walked down the hall to his room, his eyes caught on a picture of him and Isabel from their wedding. It was the only picture he'd brought with him from Earth. In the picture she was smiling at him as they danced. He ran his finger over the glass covering her cheek. She would have loved today.  
  
He whispered softly, hoping that maybe she was in a place where she could hear him.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Isabel."  



End file.
